To kill or to kill…….. Review on Five Worst Bollywood Films of the 1990s

Hey MSians!

I have two options ? I could start off with ?-I am finally back since my exams are over and the firewall in my institute finally removed. Phew! Blah Blah and try to pretend to be relieved and life being hunky dory as usual or I could honestly share with you my dreadful experiences of having seen these colossal disasters which seem to have been invented with the sole purpose of terrorising and suffocating people without facing the risk of being booked under POTA. Na ?Na.. This is not about religion, not even remotely so.

It?s about the rarest gems of art which no human can afford to miss. Each of them displays sheer creativity and passion with which some human minds have nurtured these gems and done the world proud. The tenacity as well audacity of these filmmakers to release such movies leaves me awestruck. Without further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the loveliest and most artistically portrayed stories on the silver screen??.. (Yeah kids would do well not to read it and confound their brains. Trust me, for all your anxiety, it?s not worth the effort-you guys have been lucky to not have had the misfortune of watching such crap)

1) Rudraksh

I never had a doubt about whether this movie was indeed the worst. It won the accolades hands down. I saw this movie very recently and the very concepts of electromagnetism, magnetism, optics and mechanics seem to have evaporated out of my brain in sheer disgust. Well since I had to suffer this one I might as well enlighten you with the story line.

Somewhere in Lanka ( for some reason which I was unable to fathom, modern day Sri Lanka is still living in stone age with people wearing minimal clothes hunting and digging earth for riches), Suniel Rak. Dheem Crème?. Shetty finds, by digging the earth (which in turn was some exploration undertaken by archealogical survey of Sri Lanka) a golden wired, rapidly revolving Rudraksh which seems to have knowledge, power and superhuman properties which Ravana (The Ramayan wala) through his meditation stored into this seed.

After having done this geminal research our Mr. Rak Dheem Creme gets to meet scantily clad Isha Koppikar who not only looks zonked but gives out signals of belonging to the feline family in this birth as well. Both tocuh Rudraksh and miss getting electrocuted in the process and get transformed into Mr. and Mrs. Evil.

Hah! How we wish the story ended there. Phata Poster Nikla Hero-Sanjay Dutt as Mr. Righteous and in one helluva hilarious role of a scientist about to grab a Nobel for pioneering research in everything from psychology to metaphysics (Yeah I can see a few readers having left this revu midway while others just fainted, sigh!), dear Bips Basu who simultaneously responds to the signals sent by Miss Catty-eyed. Don?t ask me to elaborate any further the rest of the story which involves getting Mr. Right do some levitation exercises courtesy the electromagnetic field set up by Mr. Evil. It?s a treat for sore eyes.

NOO before you say enough endured. Here is the next one.

2) Jaani Dushman

Armaan Kohli as the Nag who is endowed with powers to transform himself into equally outrageously ugly personalities at the drop of the kerchief of Bollywood bimbos and also this I gotta go I gotta go kind of look, need I say more? Yeah I need to. Because you also have a horrendous looking overfed Nagin who slithers away sometimes and shakes vigorously suffering from convulsions at other times.

Well to add some spice to the already disgustingly cooked broth, this is Manisha Koirala.

Now all those people who want to wager if while shooting for this movie. Manisha tried to single handedly rearrange the tectonic plates resulting in earthquake at Turkey and Tsunami in southern Japan, Yeah you might win. Go ahead. Ms. Slimy gets killed by some curse of a rather odd looking Amrish Puri while attempting to do the above mentioned and thereafter follow cycles of birth-rebirth and during leisure become a college girl and get raped by some B-grade actors who joined due to lack of work or brains or most probably both. I have vowed to show this movie to every single enemy of mine from nursery to final year.

Now from ridiculous to downright sick stuff??.

3) Mohabbatein

Just in case you are planning to tell me its spelt differently, you would dare do that at your own peril. For one, after having seen a family of rodents doing everything under the name of romance for over 3 hrs, the last thing I want is someone telling me if its Mohabbatein or mo?never mind. You got the idea, didn?t you? Yeah rodents because apart from a rather disillusioned Amitabh and nostril flaring verbally challenged Shrukie, we have a mouse, a hippopotamus and a rabbit being chased by their male counterparts. They are lesser known ( needless to say rather incompetent) white dwarfs in Bollywood. So we have in all three couples if I get my math right cootchie cooing all over a public school ironically named Gurukul.

Aishwarya drops in to say Hi occasionally from her grave and our Shrukie dear goes gaga (in an irritating pose pretending to play a violin) over the very idea of love and encourages his students including Ms. Squeaky wearing skimpy stuff to do everything but pursue studies in a school. Amitabh says na na to love and shrukie says joblessly pursue it. The best part of the movie was those autumn leaves if you ask me.

4) Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham

Well with Karan Johar directing a movie starring Shahrukh, do you really want me to elaborate on it? Sweetness, tears, palatial houses, helicopters as the basic means of transport, love marriage with a ? garib ghar? ki gal and Ranu Mukherjee doing a tango with Amitabh, Love for parents, nation, one very irritating gyrator called Kareena Kapoor and a spring with the highest young?s modulus possible called Rithik Roshan chasing the mixer-grinder. That was the movie in a nutshell.

Yeah, stars galore, this movie had every cliché being repeated till it ceases to be a cliché and becomes slow poison for any sane person. And when such a wonderful actress as Kajol goes ?Saare Jahan se Achha Hindustan Hamara? with a ?hey watch out? kind of look explaining patriotism to her kid, you want to go on a shooting spree killing every single person who contributed to the making of this movie.

Continued in the comments section. Yeah I know thats a first for me.

Keerti

Don?t forget to RRC!!