::: It's All In The Mind :::. Review on Dealing with Fear

Fear Of Loneliness

You came in my lonely solitary life, spread a lot of happiness, taught me to live each moment to its fullest, made a self satisfying person dependent on you, and then when I couldn’t move on without your support, you turned your back on me. I was very hesitant in giving you my hand when you brought your hand forward, but you said that I should trust you. I trusted you and gave you my hand only to know later that you’ll take off my whole arm. Now the same loneliness which was my best friend earlier, haunts me. I need you back but I know you’ll never come. Oh! Someone please help me, I fear this loneliness!

How To Deal With It?

There are only two ways to deal with it. Either you start enjoying your loneliness, like you used to earlier or find a new company. Remember the good old days, when you just loved your solitude and pampered yourself. So why can’t you start enjoying your loneliness again? Finding a new company is a good option as well, remember you are not the only one in this world who is alone. In some part of this globe there may reside a soul who is lonelier than you. Go out, become a social butterfly, search for that person who is made for you and then live happily ever after.

Where The Problem Lies?

The problem lies in forgetting that someone special, to whom, you gave your heart, with so much faith only to know later, that it will be broken to pieces by that person. The more he/she will be away from you, the more you’ll miss him. The memories of good time that you spent with him/her will make your tear glands even more active. True love only happens once and can’t be repeated. Thus, it won’t be easy for you to come out of that shock of being betrayed and to move on with your life, which will be full of grief at that moment. Plus, even if you find another partner, that fear of being betrayed will be always present in your sub conscious mind, and you won’t be able to trust him/her completely, which is so important for a successful relationship!

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Fear Of Death

I’m not afraid of my death. The death of my loved ones scares me more. Oh man! Even the thought of death of my lover, parents and grandparents sends a chill down my nerves. No No No! I don’t even want to imagine that scenario. Please tell me, that all this is nothing but a nightmare! How can I possibly go on living without them? Life will never be the same again; it will be really awful and miserable! I hope I die before them because I am not strong enough to see their death with my own eyes. Or the best thing would be if we all die together, in an accident or an earthquake. Even the thought of waking up next morning and finding one of them dead, is giving me sleepless nights.

How To Deal With It?

I wish the answer was as simple as the question. Sadly, there is no fixed formula or medicine for this. This fear is present in everyone; the only difference is of the extent. In some this fear is deeper rooted than the others. So, you have to find out your own unique way of dealing with it. Well, the only remedy I can suggest you is to be more positive. If you keep thinking of death all the time, you won’t be able to enjoy the time, which you have with you at present. There is no use fearing something, which we can’t avoid.

Where The Problem Lies?

The problem lies in the pain of separation with our loved ones. The idea of not being able to talk with them again & see them again is really something very heavy to digest. We may not be able to swallow it instantly, but time is the biggest healer. Slowly but surely, you’ll adjust with your new life. But again the problem is that the new life may be a bit more painful without them. Your happiness will depend on how long you can ignore that pain from haunting your consciousness!

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Fear Of Happiness

I just hate all these stupid festivals and celebrations. They make me far more depressed. For others, they may enhance their happiness, but for me, they make me realize how unhappy I am. Not that I’m complaining! Dark, dim and dull sides of life are far more soothing. But the problem is that I feel sad when I see all those persons dancing & singing, forgetting all the worries of their life. I mean isn’t it totally ridiculous, trying to show off and act as if you are really happy, when from inside, there are so many things bothering you! Thanks but no thanks boss, I can’t do all this drama. If I’m not happy from inside, there is no point of trying to be happy from outside.

How To Deal With It?

Those who fear happiness are actually those who love it the most. Then, why do they fear it? Because happiness isn’t permanent. It comes along with sadness. Both are phases of life, which come and go. Those who fear happiness are far too scared to accept sadness as a part of life. Thus, they prefer to stay away from happiness, so that they can adjust with the sadness without much trouble. They want to live without any such feelings like happiness or sadness and prefer to be indifferent towards life. These people just exist and don’t actually live! The best way to deal with this fear is, to accept sadness as a part of life. If we didn’t have sadness we wouldn’t value the happy days! Sadness in fact, makes us look forward to the happy times and we can enjoy those days with a greater zeal.

Where The Problem Lies?

The advantage with pessimists is that either they are always right or pleasantly surprised.  Thus, it’s very difficult to change their thinking, since they are not too keen on taking risks and trying to go for a better life. They want roses without thorns and if they can’t get them, they prefer not to have any roses at all. They tightly shut their eyes, and try to live in a make belief world where there are neither any thorns nor any roses. And to make this life look a bit more respectable, they label it as spiritual(away from all the worldly pleasures). But again the problem lies in their thinking, since it’s quite easy to run away from all the pleasures and the sorrows, but quite a tough thing to accept both of them as a part & parcel of life. Hats off to all those, who don’t mind tolerating the pain of thorns for a minute since they know the roses will belong to them forever. We must not forget after all, that harder the effort put in, the sweeter the success will taste.

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To conclude, I’d say the more you can control your mind, the better you can control your fears. There is nothing to fear other than the fear itself. The real situation won’t be as bad as you imagined. It’s the fear residing in your psyche, which gives you Goosebumps about things, which don’t really exist. It’s all in the mind!

© Tanmay Singh, 2005