Breaking up is never fun. Broken relationships(at work, spouses, siblings, friends, love, etc.) create all kinds of problems-specially mentally! Heart break brings with it the feeling of pain, sadness, emptiness, pressure, embarrassment, and depression. The end of a relationship is the beginning of a period of mourning, specially for the person who is affected the most by the beakup. Then the healing process starts.
But the time between the breakup and the healing process differers for different people. It depends on various factors(specially in a love relation):
The emotional level of the person
The involvement of the person in the relationship
If the break up is mutual:
The persons involved will experience a vacuum in live and will take time for adjustment. The more emotional/involved of the two will take a longer time.
- If the break up is not mutual:
The person who ended things may feel guilty. But the other person has a long way to go. He/she will have to first adjust to the idea of being rejected, then adjust to life without somebody they still care for. Then they have to deal with the period of analysis, mourning, anger, depression, and the healing process is still a long way off. In short a person who has been rejected is affected the most. The person probably feels cheated, used, sad, and more!
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My broken Heart
- Sajitha(yes, I have written this stupid poem)
I sat with a needle and thread,
to mend my broken heart.
I tried to stitch them,
but it still lay apart.
I bought some nuts and bolts
to fix my broken heart
I tired my level best,
but it still lay apart.
I then tried balms, cellotape
and even plaster of paris.
But alas! It still lay apart
after every possible repair.
It was then I asked for your love,
to soothen my damaged heart.
But you refused politely,
and said, let them lay apart.
I had etched you name on my heart.
It was a painful process.
But I was blindly in love,
to think of the consequences.
Now you can't see the cuts.
But that does not mean it’s healed.
The pain is buried deep within
and the wound is very much concealed.
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There are seven stages of the grief:
Surprise - * unpleasant surprise, shock, denial, hurt, humiliated
Scariness - fear, worry, panic, anxiety
Anger - cheated, rage, frustrated, jealous(sometimes)
Sadness - lonely, isolated, depression
Bargaining - *pleading, making a deal(If I do this., if I did this., if I change this.), compromising
Acceptance - feeling stronger, coping
Letting go - accept, heal, forgive(probably not forget), moving on
A heart broken person should ideally pass through all these phases to come out of of the experience unhurt and start living again.
If you are single, it is better to avoid the bargaining part. If you are married, where in children will be affected, adapt the bargaining step. But don't plead or make deals, try to compromise(but definitely not one-sided compromise).
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Some tips are:
1. Busy bee: When you are coping with sadness and grief life becomes very miserable. It is felt not only during breakup, but also during the loss of someone close to you. Keeping yourself busy helps to keep negative thoughts away and makes you less depressed.
This does not mean you should not think about what happened. You should, else it is running away from the situation. The idea is to keep your mind occupied with some other things as well. Peruse your hobby Or help to redecorate or clean your house. Use your energy productively. Avoid doing things that make you depressed. Pamper yourself and make your feel good!
2. Give no justification: You may feel that you have to do all possible things to get back to the person you love(or loved so much). Do not justify the situation on behalf of the person who had left you. Do you think the person is good for you or loves you if he/she has broken up with you(whatever the reason is)?
3. You are wrong:On the other hand, don't blame the other person and justify for yourself. Don't betray the confidences of the ex- by telling them to others. Resist the urge to slam them behind their back. This sort of behavior will only make you feel even worse.
4. I am wrong: Don't blame yourself. If the relation breaks up, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means that the relationship is not working. There is something wrong with that. Do not to take the rejection too personally(I know it is easy to say this). If the relationship fails, you do not fail as a person, you are not a failure.
5. Don't feel embarrassed: After the breakup, a major part of the pain is due to the feeling of embarrassment! You feel that people will laugh at you. Forget it. No one will. You feel that you have trusted someone and the person has broken your trust. True, but it is history now. Forget it!
6. Keep a distance: Avoid the person. This is not being being immature. Do not contact/meet/talk with your ex-whatever until you are totally sure you no longer want to be with him or her. When you are in depression, seeing your former flame can bring out emotions and will delay the healing process.
7. Talk out your feelings: Do not hold the feelings inside you. Talk it out. Talk to friends or your parents, or siblings. If you do not want to talk to anyone about it, talk to your most fav thing, or talk to yourself, or talk to God-pretend that you are having a conversation. This really helps!
8. Cry: This applies both for the males and the females. Don't hold back your tears. It’s OK to cry over a loss. Let the tears roll and leave you just as the person did.
9. Throw them away: Throw away the mementos-anything and everything that reminds you of the relationship. This will help you come out it. Keeping them with you will only remind of you of the past and make you feel miserable.
10. Seek help: Sometimes the sadness is so deep lasts for a long time without healing. In such a case, you may require some external support to deal with a broken heart. If you don't feel better in a month or two and continue to feel depressed, take professional help. Consult a counselor or therapist-it can be very helpful.
Mending a broken heart is not easy but it can be done. Help yourself out of it instead of getting into it. Before you know it you will be fine. Good luck!
