Jan 26, 2003 03:56 AM
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(Updated Jun 11, 2003 01:03 AM)
PREFACE
This was about to be my first shopping experience in the City of Joy( huh?) KOLKATA!
I was going out to shop in Kolkata. Alone & helpless …when I chanced upon this very Bong & a very dear friend of mine!
I told him about my predicament! He took me to his nearby residence & suggested that we discuss this over a cup of steaming tea!
What ensued is reproduced below!
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FEW TIPS( as he insisted on calling them):
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“ If you ever happen to even shake hands with the shopkeepers, be sure to check your fingers! These shopkeepers are Dacoits and no matter how many sermons they would have received on honesty, integrity & morality, they would still fleece you ”
“ Try & talk intelligently( if you can.that is!) about the product. Do not ever emit ignorance. The shopkeepers smell it fast & will certainly pounce on you “!
“ Bargain hard . Most obviously with a combination of a “ Sneer “ & a “ Scowl “ on your face. It should appear as both menacing & just at the same time!Show that you understand & mean business! ”
“ While talking, occasionally lapse into complete(unexplained) silence! Have a forlorn look on your face! ”
“ Immediately after you make this pregnant pause, say “ hmmmmmmmmmmmmm “ a couple of times before you finally make your offer. An offer so irresistible that it should bring tears of gratitude in his eyes & with wet eyelashes he should immediately start packing it for you ! ”
~
Thus armed with these' Tips', I quickly dashed for the nearest full length mirror. I HAD to practice those'Sneer n Scowl & ‘ Menacing & Just’ looks.
I admit I am hopeless in emoting . I have been told by many!( That’s the reason I have only managed the role of either a ‘ tree ’ or a ‘ dead soldier ’ in all our campus plays):-( I have also been made to actually believe that I look like a constipated bull frog when I cry & an emancipated goat when I smile!( Please feel free to check this with my wife)
I simply cannot emote!
I stood in front of the mirror & started grimacing!
The 4 year old son of my friend gleefully clapped & jumped as if he has just witnessed the best cartoon show of the century . My friend’s baby girl, who was all this while giving me a very wary look, got scared & burst out crying ! I had successfully again managed to create commotion.
Embarrassed, I quickly took leave & left for my destination . What happened next when I reached the market is a separate story altogether. Suffice to say that, in retrospect, I consider myself to be lucky to come out of the market in one piece!
~
But there were few things about bargaining which I learnt that day,!
Learning No 1.
Bargaining is nothing but negotiating skill . This is a resident skill in every human being, except that, some individuals are better than the others . We need to perhaps only hone this skill.
The best 2 bargainers in this world( for me) are:
1.My wife: She will almost get anything out of me simply by continuously whining for a period of good 7 days! Exasperated , I give in always( Almost always!)
- My son: My wife has very successfully passed down this skill to my only son, who now sometimes resorts to emotional blackmail*.
Learning No 2
One should have a clear “ Buying Motive ”. Haggling, just for the sake of it, often turns acrid & gives joy to nobody . We most certainly have other forums to test our skills.
It was a warm & sultry July afternoon in Kolkata. The heat was unbearable!I had some time to while away in the market before I headed back for my hotel! I walked into an air conditioned shop selling Electronic goods! I inquired about a dozen or so Video Cameras of different makes. I started bargaining for a particular model & eventually closed the deal ! The Shop keeper sensing I was a potential buyer immediately opened a bottle of chilled Pepsi for me! I was overwhelmed with this Good Samaritan gesture! There was just one problem though! I wasn’t going to but any Video camera( I had some 80 – 100 bucks or thereabouts in my pocket). I told him that I had no intentions of buying the camera & before I could say ‘ Jyoti Basu ’ the bottle was almost snatched out of my hand & I was shown the door!
Learning No 3.
As was advised by my most knowledgeable friend from Kolkata, it actually pays to appear honest & genuine . Being forthright might actually close the deal sooner than you expect!
I chanced upon a cute Sewing Kit( One of those sleekly packaged stuff from Singapore with needles of various sizes, threads of various colors, hooks et all! I tried to test my bargaining skills. I tried to sound knowledgeable! I even boasted that I have hundreds of such kits in my house and that I know all about Sewing Kits . The shopkeeper must have wondered as to why on earth any household require more than one kit ! He knew that I was fibbing & refused to budge!
Learning No 4
Bargaining( I am inclined to believe) is a WIN WIN situation . Nobody goes away unhappy!
But I faltered once.
I bargained . Bargained well! . Got my price, yet at the end of it all felt miserable!
_
It was a cold wintry evening in Delhi . My car stopped at a traffic junction when a kid approached my car with 10 ball point pens urging me to buy one for 2 bucks! There! I thought …. I had my chance to display what a hard nosed bargainer I am! I made a counter offer of buying all 10, at one buck a piece . I asked him to decide fast as the “Green Light “ was to appear soon. The boy, after some feeble protests, gave in!
I stopped short of letting out a victory cry, paid up the money, collected the pens & about to drive off. But then I being a marketing professional, was curious to know the mark up price & how much money he would have made in this measly transaction.
The boy first expressed his gratitude to me & then said he actually didn’t make a single dime. He was only happy that he could sell those ten pens or else his supplier would have stopped supplies for his non-performance. I understood that he would have made a paltry ten bucks after selling those pens, just enough to buy him a cheap meal. He was no more than 10 – 12 years old. Sparsely clothed, shivering in the icy wind blowing. I was feeling absolutely miserable. I called him back and offered to return all his pens & also not take back the ten bucks I had paid for them. He surprised me yet again when he said that his self respect will be dented if he were to accept this money as charity .
I paid him the balance ten bucks & drove off pondering.
