Who does not like everything to be under control? Not left for chance or luck? Okay, I hear you. Let me rephrase that, I am not a person who like things left for chance, I like almost everything to be under control. Not necessarily under my control. But knowing that something can be controlled is what keeps me calm, sane and wise. The moment I know that its not in my hands nor in anyones hands( which I can reach) and is left to fate, destiny, luck and blah blah blah I loose my cool. And I am the most unpredictable person that can be. Now that can be dangerous, for all I know dangerous to myself.
Does that make me boring? Not taking any risks at all? No. As long as I can avoid risk I like my life to be on a steady boat( is there such a thing? For the boat to be steady it has to be on the ground not on the water). But when there is really nothing I can do about it, there cannot be a better fighter than I am. Bold to face anything and ready to make lemonades. And I believe almost all of us are born survivors. We somehow figure out a way. Humans are the most adaptive species of all, I believe. Then why is that whenever we have to face a real situation that decides the rest of your life solely based on your luck we freak out?
Today in our apartments there was a parking lot draw. All of us were asked to meet in the basement to pick their parking slots. And this was based on a draw. And first time I was way too worried about what slot I might get with which I will have to live woth for the rest of my life( yeah that may not be totally correct). In fact they had taken off 7 slots which were not good slots. And rest of all were equally good or equally bad. And the allotment was block wise. So what was there to be worried? I could see almost all other people there were also tensed. Few had loser faces already, as if they know their luck better and were already grateful to even get a parking slot. And few were hyper that they were constantly jibber-jabbering to overcome it.
Once each of us got our slots almost everyone was happy. At least I did not hear anyone whining about their pick. So what was all the hungama before the draw? I guess what everyone wanted was to get the BEST slot. Especially in my apartment there is no BEST slot. What is BEST for someone was not the same for other. Eventually everyone was happy with what they got. If one was asked which slot in particular they wanted no one could pinpoint one single slot. All of them said "one of those slots". So choice. Power to choose. We all had the power to choose but what is chosen is left to luck.
This is just an instance, but each day everything actually happens by chance. No matter how much I fool myself thinking I have it under control. From the moment you step out of your bed to the moment when you can go back to sleep hoping for another new day, everything is run by many things that are not under your control. Yet, as long as everything goes well, we think all is under control.
So, I am trying to give up on my compulsion to know everything, to be sure of everything and to be assured of everything. But I would not give up totally, that "Chance" gets to be the star of my life. It has to be me. Of course always thankful to Chance for her role in my life!
