Friends,tell me something before I start this article. Do you really call my writing as articles? Or is it just a blog? You know,I really can't classify them. Whatever I feel like sharing,I just scribble down the points. When I am totally free,that chance also comes very rarely between my busy schedule,I post them here. Now,the part of that "Noting down" is what I am going to explain. I have a bad habit,I never find any writing pad or diary when I desperately need one. They always keep hiding. I think they also have the good intention to spare the world from my trash writing....but they are not going to be spared! I have a 500-paged special notebook for this purpose and I ink down my "cruel" intention on its pages which plead for mercy for most of the time!
Now I can afford such a notebook,I also have two diaries and few writing pads for spare use. But the picture was not the same even few years back.I couldn't afford notebooks generally available in market in my school days. Those were costly at that time. Moreover,I had a habit of writing down while trying to memorize something. Buying those many notebooks was too much for mom. So she used to buy loose papers in bulk. Then she would stitch them together in form of thick notebooks and the cover would be made from hard covers of old magazines. Then I would put one extra layer of newspaper to make it more strong. I started writing in those right from class 1 and continued till university days. Some of my friends used to mock at the cheap material,but the teachers generally appreciated the trouble my mom took for me.
But,you know,what happens. At that age,I used to see my friends from affluent families,using colourful branded notebooks. I can't say I didn't long for one of those secretly. But somehow I knew,that will be another burden on mom,so I never asked for one. Only in class 4,when I got ranks in most of the admission tests for high schools,mom asked me,what do I want as a prize. I asked for a 'Pioneer' notebook,ruled and hard bound. My wish was granted,and till date that's one of my prized possessions, kept at my maternal home. I have used it to record all of my "secret " desires so I really can't share what is written in that. Well,one or two will do no harm! I can read one here, "God,please make mom allow me to visit Amrita's house"...she was our neighbour and my playmate who shifted the house in another colony.God! I missed her badly for first few months. A faint fragrance of innocent childhood friendship lasts in that page. Another one, "If it rains today and "Ghatigaram-walah" comes to our house,I will not ask for anything else for next one month"! Another example of innocent desire. People who already know about my fascination for "Chanachur",please know that "Ghatigaram" is another weak point of mine,till date!
Well,I am going away from Notebook again! Whatever I felt like keeping away from mom's prying eyes, I used to share it in that notebook. I used to lock it inside a drawer and till date didn't share with any human being. From then,my habit of writing started...now it's almost uncontrollable! I don't feel familiar with diaries or writing pad,I always prefer notebooks. Whenever I go to the shopping malls,I go to the stationary corner at least for five minutes. In front of me,lies the stacks of notebooks,once what was beyond my reach. Now I can afford them, all of those, if I want. But........no. I never buy. I just run my fingers through them. I cherish the memory of longing those. It doesn't allow me to be greedy or showing power of my money. It teaches me to control myself. I turn the pages to search for that bright-eyed child,full of dreams..... through the pages. I try to find her,touch her innocent desires through those unmarked pages. But, as the time is slipping away from my fingers,the image is getting opaque. Dreams remain dreams only,they are better preserved in those pages of that notebook...with that idea a sad smile crosses my face. I close the notebook and leave that section. You know, I find these new notebooks so unfriendly,so unfamiliar........like modern generation,whom I can't understand properly. Like them,the notebooks of this generation also lack warmth. I don't get that familiar comfort in these. That's why I collected loose papers and old magazine covers to make my special notebook. With that I can share my feelings,my sorrows and laughters,my sleepless nights,my blissful dreams. That's exactly like me,like my self. Old and odd-looking outside,but familiar and comfortable once you get used to. How come my personality reflected on my notebook,the link is still not very clear to me. But by now,one thing has been revealed to me. One day,when you finally find out that I am no more,please come and find the old book. I am planning to give it to very near and dear someone,please ask the person to show. it.You will be able to see that little child through its pages,whose memory is most precious and dear to me. Whether I am there or not,I will live forever through these memories. Obviously,till my companion, my notebook lasts!
