I just read Mathur ji”s post Barbadiyon ka jasn manata chala gaya, and it inspired me to write a similar post also. Frankly in my life I have never thought about to became an IAS or Doctor or Engineer or anything that is meaningfull. It was all beyond my imaginations. My only ambitions was to do anything that can fetch me money and that money must be legal, moral and justifiable of the efforts that I do to get that money.
So I started my career as a sales trainee in a leading competition magazine that provides study materials to the aspirants of civil services and other defence services. My job was to go into the institutes that provide coaching to competitive examines and promote the study materials to teaching faculties. So during work I met many civil service aspirants and sooner I found that they are not as intelligent as I think them. Most of them are just learning the facts and figures. More than to achieve something original and genuine their focus was more on cracking the sample papers and last year’s guess papers. And then somehow, I feel a little pride, or better you can say a self-respect ,that as a sales person, what I am doing is not just learning the facts, but executing a formula that is made by me, and nobody apart from me knows about that.
Meanwhile that is a separate thing, few months later I was sacked as not completing my targets. And I was very young on that time, and that was my first encounter with the professional failure. It was a winter evening, and I stood at busy road of Patel Nagar. I was feeling dejected, lonely, and failed. Suddenly I thought that I must combat this feeling of failure and loneliness. There was no one with whom I can share my frustrations, and then I thought to go to a bar and had a conversation with me.
Bar was not far, the nearest one was in Connaught place. After a few sips my mood started elevating. I think there must be someone who should have sympathy with me who can share my feelings. And at that moment, I thought that who loves me more than anything else in this world, no one it is me. Only I am my best friend, lover, guide and I can show light to me. In such a alcoholic mood I kissed my hand, and I kissed my hand again and again and repetitively again. You can kiss a woman that is natural, you can kiss a man that is also permissible, but to kiss youself is quite unimaginable that can be done only when you are in front of mirror, and I was in front of mirror. The mirror of clarity, of light, confidence and self-respect.
So as a summary we defeat only, when we accept defeat in our mind. We are our best friend and our worst enemy; you can love others only when you can love yourself. Whether to be with winning side or losing side the only thing matters is that you must be the part of the game.
