## What do lawyers use for birth control?
- Their personalities.
## What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
- A tick falls off of you when you die.
## Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
- To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
## What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
- Not enough sand.
## What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
- There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
## What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
- A Doberman.
## What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
- One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
## Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
- They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
## Lawyer's creed:
- A man is innocent until proven broke.
## What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
- Lipstick.
## What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
- Skeet.
## What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
- Chelsea Clinton
## It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
- I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
## A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
## You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
- You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
## A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, "I saw the whole thing. I'll take either side."
